Vanity Card #8

We don’t persist. We lack the fighting spirit. We try to convince everyone that it’s because we have so much going for us we don’t have the time to focus on one thing for too long. It’s a lie. It’s fear. It’s cowardice. We don’t want to have to go through all the stress of persisting, fighting for what we want and end up not getting it. It hurts. We’ve been through it at one point or the other in the past and we do not want to go through it again. Ever.

At least when we pretend we don’t want it and end up not getting it, we can always convince ourselves that it was because we didn’t try and not because we werent good enough. Not knowing is good sometimes. We constantly after each failure, then what? We confirm how much of a loser we are? We’d rather keep it as an  assumption than confirm it for ourselves.

This fear of rejection is to an extent a result of a missing sense of confidence. Confidence gives you the ability to try out things you know you have less than an average chance of getting. What we don’t realise is, for those who never try because of the single reason that the odds are not good enough, we never find out what the real odds are. Without confidence, all we’re left with is the hope of a sure thing. And nothing great ever came out of going after a sure thing. If it is a sure thing, everyone else is after it. It’s not that special. Lets take risks and lets get rejected. But in all that rejection, we get an acceptance that means everything. It will mean everything because we put ourselves our there and came out with a positive outcome.

I was inspired to put this up because of something a friend told me. It was a long discussion and I’ll of try to get as much of it from memory as possible. For those who identify with it, lets know how it feels from your point of view and how you deal with it. All other suggestions are welcome as well in the comment section.

On certain days, i get these random bouts of confidence that make me feel like i can take over the world. I wonder why i don’t feel that way all the time. I wonder if that is how all those guys i want to be like feel all the time. Why did i have to come off shy? I like how i am on those confident days. I love who i am then. I love who i am on regular days. But i love who i am then, better.

I’ve never quite figured out if that kind of confidence is something you are born with or something that you can build over time but i’m going to give it a shot. My first step is accepting that rejection is a part of life. It’s not life threatening and i can survive it no matter how many times it happens. It’s obvious its easy to deal with it when you allow yourself that 10 per cent margin of error to expect rejection in all that confidence

Someone will love me no matter how bad i am. Someone will hate me no matter how good i am. I don’t have to constantly look out to others for validation. I should decide whether what i’m doing is good or bad and whether i can handle the outcome. If i operate that way, i can confidently bask in the joy of positive outcomes and accept all that goes wrong and work from it.

One day i might stop being clumsy and awkward. One day i might turn out to be that guy everyone (and when i say everyone, i mean those who matter to me) likes and wants to be like. If that will happen, i need to start today. Make an effort. One day at a time. Then and only then will i know, if i can get there or if i’m cursed to be like this forever. If it turns out to be the latter, i have a plan too. Look to the positives and accept the negatives as a part of life.

All in all, i know i’m not going to sit and do nothing when im not happy about how things are. They say the change starts in ourselves. Well, i agree with them. Whoever they are.

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One response to “Vanity Card #8

  1. In addition to a lack of self-confidence and a fear of rejection, it could be pride that is preventing us from trying. we feel too proud to fail, so we don’t even try in the first place. we just stick to what we know and keep excelling at that, and then say “screw this, i don’t need you” to the new stuff we shy away from.

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